A feud about nothing
I’ve been hearing a lot of criticism of John Cena’s stupid comedy from Raw. I won’t disagree that it was stupid, but I thought there could be no more elegant rebuttal to Bray Wyatt.
Let’s recap: The Wyatt Family came to the ring. Bray said a bunch of stuff that makes no sense, and mocked John Cena for not taking things seriously. Cena came out and ignored literally everything Bray said and made fun of the Wyatts. The Wyatts proceeded to not give a damn and ignored everything Cena said, and Bray just kept rambling. Cena arbitrarily suggested a cage match for no good reason, and Bray accepted without any clear motivation.
Here’s the thing. If the Rock was dealing with some guy who didn’t sell for his corny jokes, he could fall back on the dude who wants to beat ass. If Taker was dealing with some guy who didn’t buy his spooky mind games, he could fall back on being a giant tough guy who hurts people. So if the Rock and Undertaker were feuding, they didn’t have to stand there no-selling each other’s goofy schticks. The issue could just be “I’m gonna kick your ass” versus “I’m gonna kick your ass,” because both characters cared about being the best and winning matches.
To put it mildly, John Cena is no Rock and Bray Wyatt is no Undertaker. Bray thinks he is screwing with Cena’s mind, but Cena is unshakable. Cena thinks he can shut Bray up by mocking him, but Bray does not give a shit. So the only reason left for them to fight is to see which of them will win, except the Wyatts don’t care if they win matches and Cena never cares when he loses.
That leaves us with the Waiting for Godot of wrestling rivalries—not since Hulk Hogan vs. the Dungeon of Doom have two forces been in so meaningless a conflict. Bray wants to turn Cena into a monster, but that’s obviously never going to happen. The closest thing to a tangible goal in the feud is the support of the fans, but Cena refuses to admit he lost that fight ages ago. So they just go on talking past each other, making less and less sense each week. They’re perfect for each other, really.